Singer Sheryl Crow has said a ban on using too much toilet paper should be introduced to help the environment.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/6583067.stm

I have a few questions for Sheryl………..

• 
  How exactly are you supposed to remove the black concrete that results from drinking ten pints of Guinness, and eating a kebab and a garlic and cheese chip from your arse with ONE sheet of toilet paper. Maybe you could manage it with one ROLL and careful rationing, but lets be realistic here, even a vegan anorexic is going to need more than one sheet per plop.
• What if there is splash back, and the one sheet gets damp and soggy?
• How does she propose regulationg such a ban…..
• Since when was it appropriate for celebrities to tell us how to wipe our arses?
• Celebrities endorse all kinds of other products are we likely to see the new Sheryl-soft, one ply - one plop?

Even a celebrity should know that the way to influence people is to lead by example, witness the countless half wits who go around wearing over large gold chains because DJ B-job does. Then witness the backlash that Bono gets for his preaching. If Sheryl wants the masses to follow her lead she has got to set an example, like bring out a public service video showing proper poop etiquette, nobody is going to follow her unless she is willing to put her arse on the line, as it were.

In what cold dark corner of her mind did Sheryl decide that this was an issue worth raising? I have read the IPCC report and I must have missed the section on bog-roll… There are serious issues here, SUV's with one person and an engine the size of which would power a medium sized African village sitting stationary for three hours a day on the M50, billions of tonnes of recyclable material sent to landfill every year. And of course people using too much toilet roll for removing cling-ons.

Seriously Sheryl, pack in the drugs…..